Cake,Pink Dresses and a deadly Soup Ladle
by nastyubervamp
Summary: Buffys getting married.Hijinks insure.Angels POV.very funny


How to get killed by a slayer  
  
Disclaimer- these belong to the genius that is joss. Not mine  
  
Authors Note- Angel in hot water when Buffy gets married. Angels POV. Around season 5. No Riley. You can write flames but don't blame me if you get them back.  
  
I sighed. Not even over a hundred years of torture and a hundred years suffering over it there was nothing as torturous as going dress shopping with a slayer. Especially one who prefers black leather.  
  
Faith had been asked to be one of Buffy's bridesmaids. They had managed to put the mayor stuff behind them and the council agreed to let Faith out if she worked for Angel Investigations. Faith was doing well in her position and was making sure nothing like the mayor happened again. Faith and I had become became a couple and we would have to tell Buffy soon. It was not going to be pretty.  
  
Buffy was marrying some American watcher. One of Giles's nephews I think. The guy was as weak as a twig but was kind to Buffy and obviously was in love so I couldn't complain. Giles definitely approved of this one more than me or Spike.  
  
Spike had woken up to himself since the chip and had fallen in love with the slayer, to my disgust. He went and earned his soul and was about to tell her his true feelings when Jeremy Daniels showed up. I actually felt a little sorry for my childe.  
  
I was snapped out of my brooding by the sound of Faith and Buffy arguing over a dress. A soft pink dress. Buffy decided that was her bridesmaid dress. Faith looked like she wanted to turn Buffy into a coat hanger. Buffy had the same stubborn glint in her eye that made vampires and demons run for the hills.  
  
It was going to get very ugly, very fast. I had to think of something that would distract and unite the slayers. The plan however would be very painful for me. I leaned over to where Xander and Anya where sitting and said a little to loudly "PMS".  
  
Xander looked at me like I was a dead man. The slayers head both snapped towards me. I wasn't sure of which slayer to be more afraid off. I did the manliest thing I could do in this situation. I ran away as fast as my undead body would take me.  
  
The Next day I emerged at dusk wearing a black cast and generally feeling sore all over. Faith gave me the evil eye as Xander and Spike started laughing. Spike worked for me too now. I feel like I'm collecting Sunnydale big bads. I told them that it was either me getting hurt or the slayer having a brawl in the middle of the shop.  
  
The Boys told me that Jeremy was having a Bucks night. Spike wasn't invited seeing he and Jeremy weren't very friendly. Jeremy doesn't believe that Spike got a soul. Faith said I had to go and make sure Jeremy stays safe. She likes him about as much as Spike does.  
  
I went to the buck's night it didn't last very long. The groom to be got dead drunk within 10 minutes and I had to take him to the hospital to get his stomach pumped. Getting married in my day was much simpler. You got the priest, the girl and the family and within 20 minutes it was done.  
  
The next day was the wedding so I was woken by Faith at midday telling me to get ready. Normally I have to wake Faith up and dodge any thing she throws. Weddings do strange things to women.  
  
Spike and I got ready for the ceremony in darkness. We would both sit up the back and make sure nothing crashed Buffy's wedding. Spike still looked terrible. He hadn't gotten over Buffy and going to her wedding was breaking him. This from a man who used to take delight in shoving people on a railway spike.  
  
After Dusk we came up the stairs to be put together. Willow started coming over and fussing over my tie. She started sobbing uncontrollably and Tara had to lead her away and comfort her. Buffy looked radiant and faith looked utterly miserable in the dress. Spike had made a hasty retreat once seeing Buffy.  
  
After an hour the girls hopped in the horse carriage and went towards the church. Spike and I drove over and took poll positions at the back. Giles was giving her away seeing hank shouldn't even be called a father figure. We could already see Joyce crying at the front. Hank just looked awkward next to her.  
  
Jeremy and his best men straightened up when the Wedding march came on. Dawn came first as the flower girl, although she and Buffy had argued for hours as Dawn thought she was to old. Willow then Tara followed by Faith came next. They were all smiling though I was worried about Faith. She seemed too happy in the dress.  
  
Buffy and Giles came next. Buffy looked great and Giles seemed even more dignified in a Tuxedo. The marriage ceremony went without a hitch even though I had to knockout Spike so he couldn't object.  
  
There were then heaps of photos, though Spike and I couldn't show up on any. We then hit the reception. Faith was getting very drunk and Willow was starting to sing, "Were of to see the wizard of Ox". I had always thought it was OZ. It was time for the Best man and Brides maid speeches.  
  
Willow was suppose to get up and do Buffys but she wouldn't stop singing. So Faith got up. Around this time Buffy's Wedding became one of those that are featured on Worlds Worst Wedding. Faith started her speech. "Thank you ladies and Gentlemen, not that there is such a thing. I've none B since since we killed Kakistos together. It was the summer after she had lost her virginity to Angel and he went evil and killed everybody. And he was only stopped by Buffy and spike working together against him. Oh yeah that reminds me I'm dating Angel now, to bad about the bed clause, hiccup. Oh on the subject of dating spike loves you and got his soul back for you just to see you with that dickhead. Well happy thanksgiving I'm starved."  
  
Faith collapsed straight into the wedding cake. Buffy looked ready to kill faith, Spike and myself plus Willow for getting drunk. Jeremy grabbed Spike and hit him. Spike let him seeing if he vamped out Buffy would kill him. I grabbed Jeremy and knocked him out making sure it hurt. Faith had regained consciousness and she and Willow were starting to eat the squished cake.  
  
Jeremy's dad, also a watcher came at me with a steel ladle from the punch. He swung and I ducked, the ladle hit Cordelia in the head who turned around and started to bitch slap him mercilessly. The blow had glanced off her head due to all the hair spray.  
  
Buffy and Spike, in the middle of the room were arguing and Buffy knocked him out with her Bouquet and came stampeding straight towards me. All around us people were fighting and by that stage Willow and Faith had eaten all the cake and were taking delight in grabbing the food platters and dropping them on unsuspecting people. Luckily for me they dropped one on Buffy, knocking her out.  
  
I grabbed Tara and we both ran up the stairs and grabbed our partners. We rushed them outside to the car. Wesley and Cordy were already in it. We sped away as fast as we could.  
  
The Next Morning  
  
The next morning wasn't pleasant. Both Faith and Willow had enormous hangovers and couldn't remember a thing. Until Xander bought round the video. Willow turned the brightest red she had ever gone and faith looked paler then me. Faith let out a string of swear words then said the obvious. "Buffy's going to kill me".  
  
So here's the perfect way to get a slayer to kill you. Turn her wedding into a nightmare. I guarantee you it I'll work every time.  
  
Please review. I know Angel here isn't exact to character but I needed him to lighten up for this to work. This was very fun to write. Will do more. LOL  
The nastyubervamp 


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